Hi There Fellow and Faithful readers.  Here at SrSquared we have decided to allow a few guest posters share their thoughts with the rest of you.   Sure we love posting, but we also love giving our friends the chance to rant and rave as well.  So let us know if you ever have anything to say, we'd be glad to post it.

Our first guest poster is none other than Mr. Steve Alessi, or as he likes to call himself, "Skuba."  Enjoy!



 


SPORTS: THE FIRST INSTALLMENT


Welcome to Installment Numero Uno from Skuba...

Now I know what you're thinking, this is neither Shannon, NOR Scott.  However, I feel that I can bring insight into this lovely and might I say extremely colorful Blog.  Today, my rantings consist of the usual banter.  The weather, domestic politics, the economic decline in Russia.  Ok, who wants to hear about that garbage...the weather?  "Boy it's a hot one."  "Yeah Cleatus, it's definately hotter than yesterday."  ...awkward silence...  "So, how about that NASCAR race.  They really got around that
track fast."  There, you see my seguay into what I REALLY want to rant about today.

There are two sports, ever popular among two different cultures of the American species...One...baseball.  The "American Pasttime" as the good, cultured folks at the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY like to refer to the game as.  And Two...NASCAR.  The "American Hoolahoop" as myself, from Blue Point, NY likes to refer to the game, I mean competition, I mean the most blatant waste of a fossil fuel that in a time where gas is $2.25 a gallon, that there is.  Wow, how's that for a run-on sentence.  Go back and read that a few times...it will make sense, trust me.  But these two sports are the first on my hitlist for my most hated sports (if you can call NASCAR a sport and even though I love baseball).

First for baseball.  Today I walked into 7-11 probably God's gift to the java-john (Quinnipiac reference) fan.  No place can you get a cup of coffee and a pack of condoms both of which will please you for hours!  But I digress, inside The Taj Mahal of Slurpees (7-11), at the counter, next to the register, was a bottle opener.  For you english majors, that was a model sentence for prepositional phrases...  But this bottle opener was no ordinary bottle opener.  While this bottle opener is bestowing upon you the tasty froth of a cold barley and hops beverage, it is also bringing you to the depths of the place Christianity has deemed, HELL!!!  When opening the carbonated delight, one notices the dreaded NY Yankees logo on the side of the bottle opener.  As if that isn't enough, a tiny sensor, probably created by that robot, Bill Gates, is activated and you hear the voice of John Sterling, the NY Yankees radio announcer saying, "The Yankees Win! Thhhheeeee Yankees Win!"

If there is anything in the world that frosts my tits more than hearing that is Yankees fans.  "We are a dynasty, 26 World Series wins."  Just a second.  You're not a dynasty.  The Yankees are.  You are just lucky your father was a Yankees fan, that's why you are.  And if your father wasn't, you were probably a Mets fan and started "loving" the Yankees because you were a bandwagon fool.  I feel bad for Yankees fans, I really do.  When they have nothing left in their life, at least their measly Dominican baseball team is managing to win more than 3/4 of their games.  Something smells a little fishy with that, wouldn't you agree??
Lastly, NASCAR...who finds NASCAR infatuating?  I certainly don't.  I could sit in my backyard and watch the squirrels run around in a circle too!  DUDE!!  You're watching CARS drive in a CIRCLE for 3 FRIGIN HOURS!!!!  WHAT, dare I say, is ENTERTAINING about THAT?!?!?!  NOTHING!!!  We pay enough for fuel, why are we wasting it on hicks driving suped up cars, wearing Oakley sunglasses and donning the VIAGRA label on their lapels?  I could think of a few more things more interesting than watching NASCAR.  NASCAR...Another acronym that comes to mind...PBS.  I could watch PBS instead, because what is more exciting than cars driving in a circle?  Watching the migratory patterns of the African Swallow, that's what...And one more thing about NASCAR.  You see the fanatics with NASCAR numbers all over their cars.  8, 3, 24, 99...etc.  I mean, you don't see a baseball fan with Mets, Yankees, Kansas City Royals, Oakland A's and Texas Rangers on their car.  PICK A CAR if you're going to be a fan of that white trashy competition, for Christ's Sake!!

Well, for now, that's it.  Until my next installment, if you don't agree with me, too bad.