Being single is like body surfing, having a significant other is like owning a swimming pool.  Now hear me out.

Everyone enjoys going body surfing. (if you don't, shut the hell up and don't ruin my awesome metaphor)  It's fun, exciting, whenever you tell someone you went body surfing they get all jazzed up about it too.  "You went body surfing, awesome I love body surfing, I wish I could go" (If this isn't how you respond, play along anyway) 

The main problem with body surfing is that good waves don't come along too often.  Most of the time you're sitting around looking up and down the surf like an idiot.  (I'm sorry but no one can look cool waiting for a wave unless you're wearing a wet suit. But wet suits don't figure into my metaphor, so forget that)  The other problem is when you do hit a good wave, it lasts for about 10 seconds.  After that, you're scratching your stomach on the shore with sand up your ass, surrounded by dead jellyfish.

Now, owning a pool.  Owning a pool seems like the best thing ever.... for people who don't own pools.  Most pool owners become disenfranchised with their ability to swim on a whim. (Check out that rhyme)  As soon as you talk about maybe owning a pool instead of sporadic body surfing with a pool owner they get all huffy.  "Owning a pool is overrated, I'm always cleaning shit out of it.  And vacuuming is a bitch. I'm usually cleaning the damn thing more than using it." they say.   You say that they’re crazy for saying such things.  Being able to swim anytime they want, even naked sometimes, why that has to far better than not knowing when you’re going body surfing next, let alone the next time you’ll see a good wave.

Buying a pool is a big commitment, and fucking expensive (let’s not get started on that, cause parking at the beach all the time is pricey too).  Most people body surf until the desire to swim on whim becomes so strong that they’re willing to put up with the day to day bullshit of upkeep.  And some just body surf forever, but they usually end up with rashes and jellyfish bites.

-SRO